Oh day of movies three.

Which was yesterday. I came back from London on Friday, and since the while trip put quite a drain on my resources I was forced to find a non-costly way to fill my time. Luckily, I have a monthly-renewed subscription to the public transport, a direct bus-connection to the nearest cinema, and a subscription to that one as well, so I can go and watch movies without any additional monetary strain. And, since my roommate found herself in the same situation, I didn’t have to go alone either. Shibby.

We watched three movies that had some been some time coming in watching. Mission Impossible 3, The DaVinci Code, and The Libertine. And really, they all sucked. Not all for the same reason or with the same intensity, but still. But to review them and still give people the opportunity to decide for themselves, one has to…euhm… what was I saying? Fuck “the people”, I have some things to say about these movies, yes.

Mission Impossible 3; Now I’ve never completely gotten the point of the whole M:I franchise thing, but then again, I’m not all that into action-movies anyways. I also don’t get why Tom Cruise is still being paid, but since he seems to produce most of his own movies now perhaps that is not such a difficult question to answer, I guess a good deal of the negotiations there were based on the “Want money? I’m in it then, so there” type of argument. Perhaps with some tongue-sticking-outage for good measure.
But, as far as action movies go, this one truly got on my tits. Now I don’t say that an action movie needs to have a good plot, good acting or intelligent behaviours in it, far from it really, I’ve watched and enjoyed “Krull” which should give anyone a good standard of how I feel about Action as a genre. This movie did NOT live up to those standards. This is saying something really.

We start of with a scene of Cruise (who is named Ethan in the movie but never mind, you’ll be thinking of him as Tom anyways) vs TheBadGuy (who probably had a name, Davian SomethingorotherbuthellbedeadsoonsonoworriesrememberingplusyoullbehappyhedoesntdothevoicehedidinCapoteanywayeventhoughyoudidntseeitcauseyoureculturallyretardedwhichIknowcauseyouarewatchingMI3andyesImtalkingaboutyoutooeventhoughyoudidseeCapotebutthatmustvebeenaflukecauseyourehere, I guess the credits named him) where TheBadGug (TBG from now on) threatens to shoot Tom’s wife. Now we all know this is a big no-no. Only the wife’s of James Bond are allowed to be killed, and then on the wedding night only. There are RULES here people. We don’t kill the pets, the kids (this rule should be revoked but is still in practice) or the wife unless we are in a revenge-type movie, or one of the aforementioned are part of the plot/aiding and abetting/generally established stupid. But because TBG is spouting off a lot of information not from the previous movie we already know the movie is going to be a flashback or “how did we get up to here”, and therefore most likely not going to be about revenge. TBG then proceeds to shoot the wife, leaving Tommyboy with a very classic One-Tear rolling from his right eye. Cut to opening credits.

Where we find out the woman who was just shot (or will be just have been shot (grammar licks differential timing’s cloven hoofs)) in the last scene to actually be Tom’s fiancé, which means she can safely be killed, anyone stupid enough to get engaged just before the start of or mentioning that fact during an action movie deserves to be killed. And Tom is a trainer of agents, one of which has been stupid enough to get herself caught. (damn, it is a revenge type movie, can’t we just go back to “trying to stop the maniac from destroying the Earth? I like the Earth, I think of it as Home, whereas I think of the person to be revenged as a word SOUNDING a bit like home, but with two less letters, and not meaning quite the same)
Rescueing ensues, which is botched because the to-be-rescued gets killed (in a fun way, by the way, but more on that later) and we are introduced to the standard team/band of heroes for this movie. The cute asian girl who is an expert on nearly everything but mostly on wearing clothes real nice, the nerdy Irishman with a penchant for fast moving flying objects, and the burly may or may not be black man with a gruff demeanor but a heart of gold.
So, stereotypes firmly in place, we go after the bad guy, which we do stupidly, but it still works, and we piss him off, after which he kidnaps our wife (they got married sneakily and swiftly, mostly because they both realised that only marriage would keep her from getting killed) and we go after him again, kill him, resolve a few interpersonal conflicts by ignoring them and we are ready for the next instalment of this drivelling maniacal cuntingness.

But in the meantime we get to see Tom get shot up the nose with a small explosive device that will fry his brains (the FUN way to go, not real painful and fast. If I were the bad guy I’d not invest in expensive small explosive but just crush his nads in a vice and shoot him in the head just before he passes out. No chance of a sequel there) we see the head of security being ineffectual; “Ma’am I’m gonna need you to stand back a bit, please, ma’am, stand back please, ma’am, would you mind stopping with the pouring wine all over my boss please, ma’am? Really I’m going to have to ask you not to tag him with this paging device if it is not too much of a hassle, ok, now I can handle you drugging him but really I would like you to stop bundling him to that there car now please ma’am? Ma’am? OH GOD THEY TOOK THE BOSS!!!!”
And a lot, a LOT of latex masks and shite to let people for no real reason look like other people.
So nothing new there.

Something that also has very little news to bring is The DaVinci Code. I mean, come on. The information from the book already wasn’t all that newsworthy, I know a lot of things most people didn’t know and I’ll admit it was presented well, even though bookwise it was so bad I nearly broke my personal dogma and almost heaved it mightily through the nearest window, but the movie is not going to be all exiting now is it, everybody in the entire world having have read the book after all? Plus, the information in the book might have been news to most Americans and the three people in Europe who’ve never heard of Catholicism, but really, watch Discovery Channel for a rainy Sunday afternoon and look up any words you
But I’d have to say, from a technically inferior book with a nice idea and a good deal of information they went to a technically very good film with nice action and unoriginal information. So in general I’d say it was a well done movie. It was stupid, but entertaining. Not going to go into it too deeply, it wasn’t all that interesting. Actually, on the bus drive home my roommate was at a loss to remember it in the line up of the movies we’d seen.
But see it, anyways, it was entertaining, and it is the movie people are going to be talking about, so it’d be a shame to see it.

And then, The Libertine. Johnny Depp as a cursing, shagging London Toff who pisses people off, is forgiven, pisses more people off, is forgiven, gets sick, pisses people off, gets forgiven and dies. End of freakin’ story.

Beautifully done movie, honestly, and most of the acting is superb, and there are some moments in the film that are truly moving, and with impressive lines. But the movie is depressing, god it is. And I think that most Depp-fans won’t like him that much with a face rotten of by syphilis… I enjoyed it though J smarmy little bastard. (I’m kidding, as an actor I think Depp has done some very fine work and will be able to do much more of the same, but sometimes it feels good to see someone attractive be destroyed by the consequences of their on ill-conceived actions)

Well, that’s it for now, I had some more to say about MI£ but since it’d have been just more of the same only with more cussing thrown in, I’ll spare you that much.

Off to next time,
Kind regards.