Classic self-hating homosexual.

It’s always such an interesting term to me. Mostly because I am not. I am, in no uncertain term, a classic OTHER hating homosexual. This really is kind of strange, because I am not really a hate-y person, as a rule.

It has been commented upon by scores of friends that I let people get away with incredible amounts of truly horrendous things. A Mormon mother disowning her son because he is gay? I understand that it doesn’t mesh with her world-view. It’s not that she is a bad mother, it’s just that her being a good mother means she has a splendid chance to seriously fuck up her kid, but that doesn’t mean it makes her a bad person.An older man being afraid and therefore abusive to his timid foreign neighbor? He’s not a bad person, he is just scared, and fear makes us do strange things. He’s not a bad person either. Priests who refuse to marry same-sex couples? Fine by me, nobody should force a religion in a different direction then it wants to go. Using that as a reason for gay-bashing and discrimination of course is also wrong, because really nobody should be forced into a direction they don’t want to go.

So effectively I don’t blame people for their world-view, and I certainly would not hate anybody very swiftly either. Hate is destructive, and without any object to aim it at effectively it will destroy what is near, which is in almost all cases of my personal peeves me, and since I don’t want to be destroyed, I avoid large scale hate. But I don’t avoid large scale annoyance paired with the vocabulary of hate. In a way I sometimes think of myself as the Hannibal Lecter of annoyance. I wouldn’t really sauté somebody’s liver with nice Chianti just because they are bad violinists, but I will consider the option and then discuss how I would prepare a better dish with it. (wrap in bacon, flash fry and serve with a cool but fruity white)Effectively this means on the whole I am about as dangerous as a cricket, but sound very aggressive and hate filled. Besides, Crickets get up peoples noses.

But there are instances that really fire up my mostly dormant capacity for pure, unadulterated, screw-of-his-head-and-gleefully-drink-from-the-blood-spouting-stump hatred. Strangely enough, a large percentage of my classic a-little-more-than-pet peeves seem to tie rather beautifully into both my classicly stereotypes sexuality and my well known position as a know it all, pedantic gay man. As a rule, this gets me typified as “So Gay” and as a rule, this stereotyping is “So Wrong”.

I dislike flamingly queer people as a rule not because “they exhibit something I cannot accept inside myself” but because being flamingly queer is just plain annoying in its own right. NOBODY likes a squadron of teased-haired, badly mascara wearing guys in tank-tops strutting around like they have the best tits EVAH warbling around them while they are trying to enjoy an end-of-the-work-week-soft drink. So they effectively exhibit something I know lies inside myself (everybody has an inner queen) but cannot abide ANYWHERE apart from a good pride parade or a venue suited for queening. Of course, voicing this opinion as a straight men will get you called a homophobe, as a gay man it’s self hating. In my mind it would get you pegged as a well thinking human being.

I dislike people who ride their cards in the “saddest stories” poker-game of life to their very, very end. Yes, maybe your parents died, maybe you lost a sister, maybe your husband committed suicide. These things happen, and they are horrible. I’ve not had a wonderfully stabilizing child- and young adulthood, and nine times out of ten I can royal flush the sad pairs of these stories if it really comes down to it. But I dislike dwelling on it because it makes you a victim of circumstance. I had bad things happen to me, but whenever somebody in a conversation starts going “you wouldn’t say that if you knew that I …” I just really, really want to smash their head in. Whenever I say things to this extent in mixed company about not dwelling on situations of the past, learning and moving on without becoming a victim of circumstance I get roughly three reactions. The main one is usually good. “yes, good point”. The second one runs along the lines of “you gay people are always so strident” (no kidding). The third? “You wouldn’t say that if you knew how it felt to…” *cue batman montage of POW and WHACK*

I really, really dislike it if people are rude or inconsiderate towards wait-staff and store-clerks. These people are just doing their job, and as such do not deserve it to have you snapping your fingers, warbling “helllooohhooo” or otherwise making a nuisance of yourself. If you do this at my table or within direct conversational space thereof, I WILL ask you to please, please behave. On more than one occasion I was greeted in this request with a knowing wink and a comment along the lines of “I understand, I won’t stand in your way to get to this nice waiter” NO! NO! BAD RESTARANT PATRON, NO! This is not a cruising thing, this is a basic decent human being thing. Being excessively polite after this is just taking the piss, NOT making up for it.

For these and other reasons I have been called a CSHH. Which is blatantly wrong. I am not a CSHH. I barely hate anybody, let alone me. I am a classic humanity disliking person. As such, I am imminently suited for an online community, I say, where my hate as well as it’s more tender counterpart is fuelled on such a constant basis my aura has recently been sold of to sit on top of a tall building to alert planes.

Grtz,
K.

PS. This blog was posted as it appears here also on my journal on the site OkCupid.com, part of my ongoing attempt to get more readers on here, and fuel my fragile ego. If you found this through my journal, please browse some other entries, most are better than this one ;)